Dharcy Exposed

Another heart would’ve given up on you by now, J. Any other heart would’ve stopped beating for you ages ago; and a sane person would’ve stopped caring for and loving you, my friend. It used to be us two against everything, we were two of a kind yet so different and we used to talk about all the things we would see and do together. There wasn’t anything we couldn’t do; and despite people talking we kept on just remaining us. Another heart would’ve forgotten by now, and left all the memories buried in the back of her mind; hoping they would all fade in time. (more…)

It gets dark fast this time of year, it’s like hitting a switch and everything goes black. I’m trying to stick my hand into his; but he’s in a rush and I can’t keep up with him, and every time I seem to be able to get a hold of his hand he just pulls it away. I can hardly breathe; the suffocating, moist cold of this city is something I never got used to. My eyes are seeking his, but his back is turned and after a while I give up. Once on the tram I just stare out of the window instead, meeting nothing but black; thick like a brick wall and before my eyes life’s still flashing by like it’s been doing for the last 48 hours. (more…)

The clear blue sky is deceiving; you can almost believe it’s a promising summer on its way with adventure and freedom. There are some small, fluffy clouds here and there and I forget to look where to put my feet as I’m gazing at the last, stubborn sun beams of this year. They’re still refusing to leave for another season somewhere else; clinging to this barren country like my static hair to my face. Night frost hasn’t let the ground go of his grasp just yet; as he’s still hiding in the shadows to not be chased away by daylight. (more…)

You’ll get what you deserve, you know. You can continue doing this to me and think I’ll just stand aside and watch you twisting knife after knife. You may think it hurts, but it stopped hurting a while back; now I just feel sorry for you and your desperate ways of seeking a few seconds in the spotlight. Seeking friendship? Seeking pity? Or perhaps it’s the same old begging for someone to actually like you. People know what you are; they know you’re a big, black hole sucking in everyone close to you. They know what you do, and they are restricted in what they say and do around you. But of course you never notice, maybe you don’t even care as long as someone is around, as long as someone is listening to what you say. As long as someone is giving you what you’re constantly craving for; attention attention attention. (more…)

He’s back at my door, like so many times in my dreams. Saying he’s sorry, asking for forgiveness. Begging. Crawling at my feet. She did to him what I said she’d do; she did to him what he did to me. Met someone else, more suiting, moved on. And now he’s back because he realised what he had, what we could be; in our imagination we were always perfect together. But I knew better; deep down I knew for so long – but I wouldn’t realise until months after he went off to Spain, leaving me behind. Now he’s back here again, crying; yes this time around it’s his turn to cry. (more…)

Slutty boss: So did you meet a new guy yet?
Dharcy: What do you mean?
SB: You know, are you screwing someone new?
Dharcy, laughing: Why should I?
SB: Better to just get on with it again you know, the sooner the better. So did you meet someone new? (more…)

Do you occasionally stick your hand down your throat to throw up things you ate that make you feel disgusting and ugly? Or do you keep yourself from eating for 3 days til you feel you’re about to black out from hunger or do you surf pro-ana sites to find valuable advice on how to lose a few more pounds by starving yourself? If you do, it’s probably time to realise you’re not well in every way and probably stuck with something as neat as an eating disorder. Welcome to the ever so well hidden parallel world of Dharcy. (more…)

Up, up and away. Right now you’re probably somewhere in the air above Poland perhaps, on your way to the greatest adventure of your life so far. I’m happy for you; you’re doing what I used to dream of and somewhere deep down do, but never had the guts to break up and leave everything behind. I got too comfortable with things; work, university and living with my ex and my dreams and plans slowly died in the shadow of it all. I’m proud of you, you’re living your dreams; everyone should do that. (more…)

Swimming in a pool of tears, trying not to drown. Swiftly-flowing, trying to drag me down and somewhere deep down I want to let go and just allow the waves and currents to take me. We knew we didn’t have much time; we knew. It was stupid to start with, so I probably deserve this, but I wasn’t prepared for these feelings, I wasn’t prepared to care this much. Hanging up on the phone cuts like knives and I simply can’t stop crying. He doesn’t have the time to see me, to come over. Still loads to pack and sort before Wednesday. If I’m lucky I might get a couple of hours tomorrow in between everyone else he has to say goodbye to. I know he doesn’t mean any harm acting like this, he’s busy and stressed up; but it doesn’t make it hurt less. (more…)

Things are taking weird turns at the moment. The weekend has passed and it’s now only 2 days left til he’s leaving. Wednesday. D day. I have a premonition about that day being a disaster. I’ll be in school all day and I can only guess the amount of tears I will shed somewhere, probably hiding in the girls’ bathroom. Still weird turns. I think we’re back at where we were before last Friday, in some twilight zone where we’re feeling good yet don’t dare to bring up what’s approaching, boldly and ruthlessly. D day. (more…)