Dharcy Exposed

I’m doing it again, running in circles and returning to bad habits I’ve kept myself from for weeks now. Well, starving has been there all the time but I’ve stayed off that bathroom floor at least. But there’s always something or someone there to make you stumble and fall back into that place where you think you belong. For me that place is a prison where I’m not good enough for him, for myself or for anyone. (more…)

So. I’ve aged another year again and I wonder what it is with time and years keeping coming and coming but they never leave. At times I want to buy a time machine and travel back in time to undo those mistakes and regrets I now live with, but I guess doing so would take away many things I love as well. So I’ve come to conclusion that even when time flies, there’s usually something good coming out of it, and when those bad things happen we always manage to cope in some miraculous way. What can I say? I’m still here even though I’m struggling quite hard to give up at times, but I’ve yet to reach that point when I stop breathing. I still haven’t. (more…)

Everything is just insane at the moment, I can’t believe it’s actually happening; what I thought I’d never be able to put together and above all have enough cash to do. As I read my credit card number out loud to the travel agent it felt like the ground was shivering and I wondered how I managed to even keep my voice steady. When I hung up I had to sit down for a bit to take in what I had actually done and when the first feelings of shock had settled I realised it was for real and I couldn’t stop smiling. (more…)

My life and my emotions are a never ending roller coaster, I’m sure you frequent readers have come to that conclusion by now. It has even gotten to a point where I can wonder myself what’s around the next corner, because I seldom know. I tend to change like by the flip of a coin, and sometimes it doesn’t take much for it to happen at all. Just some of me being unsure of myself mixed with some encouraging words of a friend or someone else, and off I go, turning around 180 degrees. (more…)

So Penny finally found her Desmond and Desmond’s longing and waiting for years ended. Love always wins in movies and fairytales always have happy endings; and maybe they’re all made up to keep us believing that faith necessarily isn’t always fucking with us, it’s just keeping us on a very long leash. After cruising seas for ages, she finally found what she was searching for, and as I was crying my eyes out in front of the tv set, I couldn’t help but wondering when my longing and waiting will be over. Me, I’m both Penny and Desmond forged into one. I’m both searching and waiting at the same time. (more…)

I wonder when those people will realise they’re wrong. They think they’ve got it all figured out and this is something that will pass with the proper treatment or actually lack of treatment. No tests they’re running are showing anything; and all I want to do is yell back at them to run the right tests instead. But I can’t and I won’t, because they’re not interested. They’re only interested in body parts they can fix, and my mind isn’t included. My mind is for other people to fix, but I’m still waiting for that letter of relief to show up. Still nothing. (more…)