Everything is just insane at the moment, I can’t believe it’s actually happening; what I thought I’d never be able to put together and above all have enough cash to do. As I read my credit card number out loud to the travel agent it felt like the ground was shivering and I wondered how I managed to even keep my voice steady. When I hung up I had to sit down for a bit to take in what I had actually done and when the first feelings of shock had settled I realised it was for real and I couldn’t stop smiling.
Stockholm – Bangkok – Sydney – Darwin. It’s one hell of a trip that takes about 3 days due to weird domestic flight schedules in Australia, but even waiting for days in airports seem like nothing. I’m leaving this country on the 16th of August and I won’t return until one month later; on the 15th of September. Christ, I can hardly believe it’s true. I will have a day in Sydney on my own and I will take some time to look around and just soak in the feeling of getting away and being freed from these chains tying me down here at home. Finally something to look forward to that isn’t years away, and finally feeling positive. So close to my dream it actually feels like a joke.
You might think I’m only doing this for you, that I’m going down there like a puppy to be with its master and on his leash, but it’s not how it is. I’m doing this to find out what this is all about, and if you still are the one in person that I fell so deeply in love with, that 8 months couldn’t manage to take you off my mind. I want to know if this can make me a wholer person, and if this is motivation enough for me to eventually get well. I’m doing this for me, to sort things out for myself to either stay with my heart or to move on. Only time can tell, but I think we pretty much already know the outcome. I believe it’s true; now I do.
We’ll have three weeks together, since almost a week is spent on travelling, but three weeks is almost half of the short time we had to share before you went away. We’re not spoiled with time together, so in a way it’s almost an eternity in our eyes and we’ll finally have time to do things together. To be alone, to just dig inside of ourselves to know where we stand and how to go further with this. I thought we’d be apart for another year and that there was nothing I could do about it, but it seems we had an ace up our sleeve to win over that tricky fucker called Faith. I’m playing to win this time, and I think I feel invincible. Why’s that after all my past rant about feeling defeated? Because now, sweetheart, I’m never ever letting you go again, and you know it. What made me happier than realising that and buying that ticket down to Oz; was when you told me that you wouldn’t allow me to let go of you, ever. Now we can only make sure this will last.
I’ll see you in August, love.
Today’s soundtrack: How’s your heart doing? - Sophie Zelmani.
